Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Why Tuesday Was Not A Good Day
So. On Tuesday morning I was languishing in my cell as usual, waiting for breakfast to be served, while exchanging a few miaows with the cats in the neighbouring cells. It was still early, so I was pleasantly surprised when the lady who works at the kitty jail turned up – was I getting an early breakfast? Then the bad stuff started to happen. I was seized and thrust struggling into the Evil Cat Carrier. I watched through the bars as my Scratchy Mouse, comb and other possessions were thrown into a bin bag. I barely had time to mew “Help!” to my fellow prisoners before I was carried out of the gate. What was happening? There was no sign of my human servants arriving to pick me up. Then I saw a man with a van. The lady said, “Bye Eric!” and handed me over to this total stranger! I was put in the back of the van and my bag of possessions was thrown in after me. The door was slammed shut and we drove off. I started to panic – I realised I was being catnapped! We drove down a bumpy lane and then drove fast down the motorway. I was really scared, in fact so scared I peed in my cat carrier! After what seemed like ages, we stopped. The man got out of the van. He opened the doors and lifted me out. As we walked up a path I realised I was in a place that was starting to smell familiar. The man rang the doorbell…and my mum opened the door! I thought he was an evil catnapper but actually he was taking me home! I was so relieved that when the carrier was opened I threw myself at my mum. (She did wrinkle up her face a bit when she smelt the smell of cat pee issuing from the carrier). She was very happy to see me, but she looked pale, and she told me she had been feeling a bit sick since getting back from Mericky the night before (she thinks she ate something bad at the airport). She washed out my carrier, then she gave me a bit of a sponge down too, which I didn’t mind as it stopped me from smelling like cat pee. Then we had a cuddle, and then she had to go upstairs and throw up. I’m sure that was nothing to do with cuddling me, though. Then she threw up again. Then I felt a hairball coming so guess what…I threw up too…all over the hall carpet! Then my mum cleaned up the cat sick. Then she threw up again…My dad had gone to work (although jetlagged) so when he got home in the evening he found my mum lying pale and wan on the sofa and me lying on her stomach to make her feel better. He looked after us in the evening, and I was fine although my mum was still throwing up.
This morning (Wednesday) things have improved a bit. My mum and I had a long lie-in snuggled up in bed together and she is feeling a bit better today. I’m just following her all over the house to make sure she is OK. She says I am a very good nurse. I have been checking out the things she brought back from Mericky by sleeping all over them. She is going to tell me all about their adventures in Mericky when she is better. She obviously needs me to look after her.
We couldn’t blog before because looking at the computer screen made my mum feel ill, and I couldn’t leave her alone. We are so sad to hear the news about Trixie and Luna. We will try to catch up with everyone soon and hope things cheer up in the cat blogosphere. It’s nice to be back in touch with my friends.
Monday, August 21, 2006
I Don't Believe It...
...but it's true. After only a few weeks of freedom, I am back behind bars. What have I done to deserve this? My so-called loving human carers have decided that swanning off on another holiday is more important than staying at home to lavish attention (and food) on ME! Clearly any kitty must agree that there is something very wrong with their priorities. My humans are going further afield this time, too - they are going all the way to Mericky. Here, to be exact. No doubt my mum will go mad shopping and they will get sore feet sightseeing. I just hope they don't get lost, being so far away and efurrything. I know I can rely on my Mericky friends to point them in the right direction if you see two confused looking British humans wandering round with cameras. Toby and Tilly live in Mewsachusetts, perhaps they will keep an eye out for them!
The only consolation is that the lady at the kitty
jail holiday camp was so pathetically glad to see me this morning. Having an internationally-famous blogging cat to stay is probably the highlight of her year. She even remembered where in my cell holiday apartment I like my Scratchy Mouse to be positioned, and where to put my special chair to help me get up to the high-level sleeping quarters (I find the climbing ramps rather narrow for a cat of my dimensions to negotiate safely). And I must say, the company seems fairly congenial. The occupants of the next cell apartment, Treacle and Pudding, seem very charming, and there's a very pretty grey Purrrsian called Ruby on the other side. Perhaps we can have some cosy chats to while away the long, long hours.
My release date, apparently, is August 29th. Unless my friends on the Escape Committee can get me out before then...
Friday, August 18, 2006
The Food Report
The curvaceous Mrs. B (another kitty with a tummy almost as impressive as those belonging to us Big Boys) has been demonstrating on her blog how to extract cat treats from a ball. I am a bit of an expert at this. I don't have a treat ball like hers, though. My treat dispenser is a Whiskas Snacky Mouse like this (sorry the picture is a bit small but it's the largest I could find). You can see my Snacky Mouse in this post.
It came with a string on it, but we quickly removed that. It wobbles about on the floor and, if you hit it hard enough, the treats fall out through the holes. When my mum first bought it, I wasn't very interested in it, and couldn't really get the idea of it. I just used to sit and wait for her to shake the treats out of it so I could eat them. But now I am an expert with it and can remove all the treats from within it in approximately 2 seconds. The trick is to hook it up with one of my claws and shake it vigorously in the air until the treats fall out! My mum says that these days it takes her longer to put the treats in the mouse than it takes me to get them out again! Still, we have some fun with it. She usually gives it to me at bedtime with my daily ration of treats (I only get 5 a day because of the whole d-i-e-t thing).
The weather has changed completely again. We are having a lot of rain at the moment. I don't like the rain because it stops me from sitting out in the garden, but my mum says it is good for the plants and saves her having to carry a heavy watering-can around (there is still a hosepipe ban in force despite all the rain). So my mum and I stayed in today and watched cheesy daytime TV. We also watched the water company men outside in the rain filling in all the holes in the road they have been digging. We enjoyed watching them getting wet.
I love my mum but she has a habit of saying stupid things to me. The stupid thing she says most often at the moment is "You wouldn't like this, Eric." This is what she says when she is eating something and I am sitting right next to her, drooling, with my eyes fixed on her plate. How does she know I wouldn't like the foodstuff in question, unless she lets me try it? Sometimes she varies it by saying "Cats don't eat this." Again, I ask, how does she know cats don't eat this? I very well might eat it. Over the past few days, she has said "You wouldn't like this, Eric," about cornflakes, doughnuts, cherries, blackberries, tomatoes, spring rolls, pasta, toast and jam, apple cake, curry and sundry other foodstuffs.
I say, in the spirit of scientific enquiry, she ought to at least let me try a bit of efurrything just to find out whether I'd like it or not. I'm never going to maintain my impressive figure at this rate. You'd think she realise I'm interested in carrying out an investigation just from the fact that I'm sitting next to her drooling. Humans are slow to pick up on these cues.
Monday, August 14, 2006
Big Boys On Parade
Everyone who sees me agrees that I am a fine figure of a cat. I carry my 21 lb majestically. But there are several other regally-proportioned kitties in the blogosphere, and we've been comparing photos of our magnificent stomachs lately. I thought it might be nice to show you a little gallery of our gigantic gorgeousness.
Here's my friend Big Eric, showing off his handsome 20 lb figure.
My friend Shaggy has been forced to diet away a few pounds recently, but he is still a fine figure of a cat - look at that floofy tummy!
And, with all due modesty, I think I have a pretty fine floofy tum myself!
However, I must give respect to a new friend who is bigger than me - that's the handsome Sir. Edmund P. Hillary. Also known as Ed the Rotund, he weighs in at an impressive 23 lb. Check out this tummy...
I'm sure you will agree we are all devillishly handsome big boys. Maybe we could hire ourselves out as nightclub bouncers, or bodyguards to some of the celebrities of the kitty blogosphere?
I need ear-plugs today. The infernal machines from the water company are still digging up the street right outside our house. The pneumatic drills started at 8 a.m. sharp and are still going. My mum and I both have headaches...hope it is quieter where you are!
Thursday, August 10, 2006
5 Weird Things Tag
Here are the rules: The player of this game starts with "5 weird things/habits about yourself and your humans." At the end you need to choose 5 people to be tagged and list their names. Don't forget to leave your victim a comment that says "you're tagged!" in their comments and tell them to read your blog.
5 Weird Things About Me:
1. I like to start every morning by jumping on my dad's pillow and licking his hair.
2. Whenever any human (even a complete stranger) picks me up and holds me near their face I immediately start licking their hair until it is nice and soggy and standing up in spikes.
3. When my dad comes home I meow loudly until my mum picks me up and holds me near his head so I can lick his hair hello. (OK, I have a hair-licking fetish, but I can quit whenever I want to!)
4. I like to sleep upside down with my paws sticking straight up in the air, or otherwise sleep hugging my Scratchy Mouse. I sleep in my fleecy catbed from October to March but ignore it in the summer months.
5. I have a very loud PURR to go with my large size, and am famous for purring down the phone to my humans' relatives far away - I can be heard in Cornwall, Devon, Montana...pretty much anywhere! Oh yes, and I snore pretty loudly too.
5 Weird Things About My Humans:
1. My mum teaches sticky little people; her least favourite subject to teach is PE and her favourite subjects to teach are computers and history.
2. My dad works for the government saving people from food poisoning.
3. My dad doesn't like woofies and didn't really like kitties until he learned to love me and my sister. Now he loves kitties.
4. My mum loves all animals (except spiders) but hates celery and courgettes.
5. My mum has a hard time buying shoes because she has big feet.
My mum is still on school holidays but my dad has to go to work every day. My mum and I have been chilling out, doing a bit of gardening, cleaning the house, tidying up, watching trashy daytime TV and generally taking it easy. She likes having lots of quality time with me. I am still slightly worried about what the lady at the kitty
jail holiday camp said about seeing me again soon. Just in case, I have been trying out some new hiding places. Under the spare bed is a good one. But I have also managed to hide myself behind the recycling box in the garden...
...and in the flower beds. I'm bound to find somewhere to escape being taken back to That Place...I hope!
Monday, August 07, 2006
I have been released from the
kitty jail holiday camp. Ohh, the tales I could tell of my sufferings. Marking off the long, weary days with clawmarks on the walls...staring out between the bars...listening to the mews of my fellow prisoners holidaymakers...starving on the meagre daily rations...life was tough.
(Eric's mum interrupts) If you were having such a tough time, how come the lady at the kitty holiday camp said you were such a good boy and that you drooled with pleasure every time she groomed you and gave you scritches? And if you were starving, how come you don't seem to have lost any weight, Fat Eric? That tummy still looks pretty well-filled to me...
Ahem. As I was saying...it's been a long time away from my cat-blogging friends. I am just about to go round the blogs and see what's been going on while I have been locked away from the world. It's soooooo nice to be in my own home again. I purred all the way home in the car even though I was shut in the Evil Cat Carrier. Then when I got home I got lots of cuddles and licked my mum all over her face and washed her hair for her. Then, after I had enjoyed my welcome-home menu of Tuna Whiskas, I decided to play Traumatised Kitty and went and hid under the spare room bed, which I never normally do. Today things feel a little more normal, so I've been enjoying hanging out with my mum, watching TV, sleeping on her, putting some clumps of Eric hair on the too-clean carpets, etc.
There's just one shadow on my happiness, and that is, as the
prison warder lady at the kitty holiday camp was waving goodbye to us, she said "See you in a fortnight, Fat Eric." What? She can't be serious.
But just in case she is, I have been trying out some good new hiding places in the garden. (And I'd show you a photo if Blogger would let me upload them. Silly Blogger!)